Now you can shape your dead relatives into a whole variety of fun things!
“ I just jammed the crowbar between his legs and fashioned myself a good ole sled! Perfect for winter! Freshly fallen snow, and their necrotic frozen bodies can provide hours of fun!”
Or, fashion yourself a useful chair! Tired of standing? Then sit… on grandma! Or… a javelin! Use a simple knife to carve your dead relatives skull into a spike, and then, next time you go whaling… you will have an absolute whale of a time!
The patented “Corpse-ex” coating allows hours of use without rotten flesh sticking to it's stylized shaft.
Every crowbar unit comes with a corpse stand and storage unit for quick and easy cleanup! Pack late Uncle Joe away, and return to the fun the next day.
So order today! A lifetime of corpse related happiness is just a phone call away!
Act now and receive a complimentary roll of our very own Corpse Tape!
Sick of relatives dying? Not anymore!
Tape your relatives to their favourite chair! To the dinner table! Even to the ceiling for hours of laughs! Tape their eyelids open and enjoy a nice lengthy conversation with your favourite uncle! This time he will actually pay attention!
So let your morbid creativity loose, with Corpse Tape!
Testimonials:
“I always had these fears… anxieties of what I will do for fun when all of my loved ones were gone. Now those fears are put to rest! Just like my family! I don’t have any time to worry at all, now that I spend all my free time diddling with their dead parts.”
-Barnard Geherson, South Porcupine, Ontario
“I didn’t use it for fun per se, but I am extremely frugal when it comes to funerals. I simply used rigor-b-gone to shape my father into a form that would fit in a rather compact box, to save on costs relating to burial. I’ve saved a lot of money... money which has now gone towards paying the astronomical price of the crowbar.”
-Bob Hew, Pincher Creek, Alberta
“This was perfect for my last year’s Halloween party! I rigged up a mechanism to have my dead relatives pop out of the closet when people approached. I couldn’t have pulled that off without corpse tape! There sure were a lot of people dressed as police there though… convincing too… but they became part of the fun once I killed them and used them as part of the Halloween scenery!”
- Marlene Brandoe, New Glasgow, Nova Scotia
Yeah hey I bought your corpse-prying crowbar and I used it and it was great! my god i got miles outta my dead grandpa with it.. Well done whoever you saints are and keep up the good work like superman would.
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