Earlier in the year, our newsroom was graced by one of the most exciting stories we’ve ever done. Two intrepid entrepreneurs with a flair for the esoteric have developed a brand new company. It was just recently that it was made public. Zacheroh and Ponyboy of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Bread”.
NAFP Reporter: How are you gentlemen?
Zacheroh: Vigorous.
Ponyboy: I have several kidney stones.
NAFP Reporter: Uh… I am not sure that... well, it's just odd to share such a detail.
Ponyboy: You asked. I told. Unless there’s something about answering your questions that you don't like.
NAFP Reporter: No. Of course not. Now, I am interested by the entire concept of your company. Your design, your products, your slogan, all of it is quite organic… quite real. If you’ll forgive my broad terminology. Before you tell us what it’s all about, why don’t you share with us your background.
Zacheroh: Well, my full name is Zacherohgalupser, and I hail from a country now known as Urethria, A harsh and barren wasteland, not suitable for any manner of cultivation. We literally lived off the land. We ate dirt. I grew up in a dirt farming community, close to the country’s border. In fact, on the border, as my house was a semi-attached house, with a house on the other side of the border on the land of our neighbouring country, Vermeldin. This is how I met Ponyboy.
NAFP: So you were neighbours? Friends since birth?
Zacheroh: No, quite the opposite. In fact, in both of our cultures friendship between anyone, within our without, is forbidden. It was only after 15 years of life that we entered a partnership of any kind. We decided to throw out our culture’s ideals and move to Canada to start a new life.
NAFP: I strongly question the facts and logical basis of that story, but instead of enduring what will likely be a defensive barrage of nonsense, I will move on. So tell us about your side of the story, Ponyboy?
Ponyboy: My side of the story is completely opposite to that of what Zacheroh has said…That is, he’s completely correct, only that I lived on the opposite side of the border.
My story starts on that side, and opposite to where Zacheroh’s version comes from.
NAFP: Wow, I’m speechless. You two are quite adept at approaching my questions .... as if you are mental patients.
Ponyboy: Ah yes, well...‘twas a harrowing tale of visa applications, receiving said visas, and eventually smooth operating customs officials. Of course, that's what I would say if we had dealt with that. But we didn't. It's funny, lifes little redundancies.
NAFP: …uhh.
Ponyboy: And now were here!
NAFP: Ok, moving on to…
Ponyboy: Sorry to cut you off, but I’ve had a lot of coffee, in addition my usual regimen of self enema. Um, where do you keep your bathroom?
NAFP: What?…I don’t…this is YOUR house.... furthermore... bathrooms are not traditionally “kept” anywhere as they are built directly into the founda...
Zacheroh: Answer the question! You come in here with your “tape recording” device and your much presuming hair highlights, touting your “realness”. Its time for YOU to answer some “real” questions.
NAFP: You begged me to do this thing!! You threatened my family! You somehow... froze an entire horse and threw it into my living room!
Ponyboy: Ok sorry I’m back…[sigh] what a relief. I am pretty sure I fractured the foundation. Oh well, live and learn. Learn to evacuate your bowels another day.
NAFP: Ugh... that's truly... revolting... and if you knew where the bathroom was why did you ask me a minute ago?!
Ponyboy: I don't need this shoddy treatment. Who are you anyways?And aren't you going to ask him any questions? He's very important (pointing to box placed squarely between them).
NAPF: I'm here interviewing you! And that's just a cardboard box!
Zacheroh: That is VERY rude! He is not just a cardboard box!
Ponyboy: YEAH! Hes not just some box either! He started this company!
A note on the interview: Apologies to our readers. This is all I have for you from these…people. I am sorry; I just couldn’t finish the story. I had to leave for what I am being told to say are personal reasons. Thank you to Zacheroh and Ponyboy for sparing part of their busy schedule to speak with us.
james has a mangina!
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